Street Fight

ResponsibleOhio Makes Marijuana Barely Legal

Posted on June 28, 2015

When a bunch of rich people get together to draft legislation we can safely say that it is going to be bad for people who are not rich. Responsible Ohio, the controversial marijuana legalization amendment to the Ohio constitution is going to be put in front of voters in November of 2015. If you had told me a year ago that I would be five months away from being able to vote for marijuana legalization I would have checked to make sure that my voter registration was good, bookmarked a page to buy good seeds from and started making my brand new weed growing area in the basement. This is why Responsible Ohio is such a fucking bummer, not only am I not camping out in front of my polling station to vote yes but I am writing this to tell people to vote NO on Responsible Ohio with me.

I want to start this with an admission that I am very inflexible when it comes to taking my rights back. I want to be able to grow marijuana and I don’t think the state needs to have anything to do with it. I want to be able to buy marijuana at a store, let me stress the word STORE. I want it to be owned by some person that is really in to weed, has experience with weed, and grows really great weed. I want to be allowed to have as much weed as I want, I should be allowed to fill a barrel with cannabutter if I want to. Beer people can have all of the beer they want so I want that courtesy. The most important thing that I want is to be able to go to restaurant and have a chef serve me food with marijuana in it and sit with other people who like marijuana and socialize, we have never been able to do this and this is why we are seen as a deviant subculture. We can’t BE in public, sure we can sneak hits of weed on the street and nobody really cares if you are high but we still feel like we are hiding, and if we can’t get together in a public setting and use marijuana then we are still hiding.

Marijuana is very different from things like bazookas, lasers and grenades in that we all want it to be legal and its legalization would pose no risk to anyone at all.  In fact, the most dangerous thing about marijuana is that some fucking maniac cop is going to kick your door in, shoot your dog and flash grenade your family if they think you might be growing some plants. Responsible Ohio fails to prevent that from happening. There are strict limits on how much a private marijuana user can grow. This gives the state the pretext to make sure that you are not growing more than you are supposed to. How would they know this? It seems to me that if there are limits to how much you can grow then there is probably going to have to be someone who enforces those limits.

Now, if I were reading this I would say “It seems to him…this sounds like speculation to me.” Speculation is all we can do with Responsible Ohio. The reason for this is that Responsible Ohio seems to have some questions themselves. This amendment to the Ohio constitution calls for the creation of a 7 person commission. The commission is responsible for establishing the actual rules AFTER the amendment is passed. Do you want to open a dispensary? O.K., well you’re going to need a $10,000 license to do that and you are going to have to be 10,000 feet away from any place a kid might see, and probably some other requirements that the commission will have to decide AFTER you vote. Are you concerned that the government might try to regulate the potency of your marijuana? Me too, the commission will let us know about that AFTER you vote. The commission is appointed by the Governor, a rich guy who I’m sure will pick some of his scandalous friends . The only other task we know that the commission is in charge of is real time monitoring of every plant from germination to extraction to customer transaction.

Now that we know as much as we can possibly know how the stores work we can look at what Responsible Ohio will mean for people who actually want to use marijuana openly. While there are provisions in the bill that would allow for establishment of not for profit dispensaries for medical marijuana patients, these patients are not protected from employment discrimination for using a prescription drug. I don’t want to make some shitty stupid asshole hire people who smoke weed recreationally but if a person has cancer and they are using marijuana to help them eat then they should be protected by the law. Medical patients can use in public provided they have their card with them. The rest of us aren’t as “lucky” as patients are. Marijuana stores may only sell marijuana and marijuana related merchandise and it is illegal to use in a marijuana store. Now you could be saying “It’s illegal to use in a liquor store too.” which is true as hell, but you can go to a bar and drink liquor with your friends and tell each other that you love Bob Seger and vape a mango flavored E Juice. Under Responsible Ohio, marijuana users will have no such privilege. Responsible Ohio makes it illegal to use marijuana in public. No restaurants, no bakeries, no patio to do bonghits with a bunch of cool motherfuckers and talk shit. Just get the weed and get it home. That’s it, treat it like a dildo.

So how legal will marijuana be under Responsible Ohio? Barely. You can go to a store that sells it, and you can buy it and take it home and do it. Kind of like how we are all recreationally using it now.  This is not how we want marijuana to be legal, there are only 10 places that will be allowed to grow more than 8 ounces at a time. 10 places that have ties to a group of investors who are paying for this campaign. 10 places where all of the commercially available marijuana can be grown, then they get to put it on a truck and take it to a processing plant that will regulate the potency, and manufacture all marijuana infused products. After that the marijuana and the marijuana products are taken to the dispensaries where you can go get it and go home. I can’t imagine a more environmentally irresponsible process. People are capable of growing and selling their weed from the same place. This should be encouraged, not outlawed.

This is not just some law, it’s a constitutional amendment. This would be the permanent state of marijuana in Ohio. We should pass a law that encourages people who have developed a craft during the dark days of prohibition to thrive after legalization. We should pass a law that allows us to socialize and share a plant that the state never had any business outlawing any way. I am not begging on my knees for the first opportunity to have marijuana legalized, I don’t want some Governor Kasich appointed commission making decisions about it. I don’t want the police to be allowed to arrest ANYONE for having marijuana and I don’t want a monopoly on the growing of anything. Responsible Ohio is a piece of shit bill and there are better opportunities that will be ready by 2016.

@murderbryan

Top News Stories of 2014

Posted on January 6, 2015

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year. I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

 

Jon Stewart Eviscerating Ted Cruz– Who could forget the “Summer of Stewart”? While there were so many eviscerations, annihilations, devastations, and decimations we had to pick the one that really packed a punch.  After Jon Stewart eviscerated Ted Cruz about immigration all of the immigration laws changed and Ted Cruz hasn’t been on television since.

Florida FTW! – OMG all of the Florida news is unique and crazy. They have extremely unique crime and the government (clowns) can’t seem to get its shit together.  Remember the guy that took an Oxycontin and ate a dumpster?  What about the dude that snorted a line of methamphetamine and farted fire?  Florida is so weird!

ISIS – You may remember back a few months when Brett and Bryan joined ISIS in order to not be killed in the impending ISIS invasion of the United States.  Well look at this, Street Fight is still here and thriving under Sharia law.  For those of you listening to our mandatory show, we thank you and we also want to thank our new leaders from ISIS.

Traffic – In the end of the year the protests over police brutality that caused traffic gave white people a reason to explain how to protest to get what you want.  How are you supposed to protest? Well let me tell you, you find a thing to buy that you can wear like a bracelet or t-shirt and wear it to the farmers market.  If someone asks you about the article of clothing hand them a pamphlet or show them a Jon Stewart/Olive evisceration.

Millennials – The kids don’t get spanked anymore and they all have cellphones.  What does this mean for the future?  It means that we are headed down the road to hell is what it means. Things were good when everyone was mean to each other and anyone could spank anyone else’s kid.  2014 was the year where we found out that if you spank a kid for being bad in the store and it isn’t yours then you are some kind of criminal.

Best TV Shows Of 2014

Posted on December 31, 2014

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year. I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

 

Best Television of 2014

Cop Show– While the first season of Cop Show was busy showing the inner workings of the police station, season 2 was a refreshing burst of cop action.  The cops arrested so many criminals and all of the criminals were certifiably bad dudes.

Specialized Cop Show– Oh man, when the news came out that they would be spinning Cop Show off after its first season we here at Street Fight couldn’t wait for it.  Specialized Cop Show started off with a special case that only the specialized cops could solve and (Spoiler Alert) THEY SOLVED THE CASE AND PUT THE BAD GUYS IN JAIL!!!

Old Timey Cop Show– How did the cops put the certifiably bad dudes in jail before they had computers?  This is what Old Timey Cop Show is all about.  We thrilled in the scenes where the cops were “dusting for fingerprints” and looking through their magnifying glasses.  If you haven’t seen Old Timey Cop Show you should.

Dirty Cops– Are you looking to fill the dark hole in your viewing with a little bit of crime?  Look no further, Dirty Cops is about some real criminals…But the criminals are also cops!!! They don’t rob banks or steal but they commit crimes to catch the certifiably bad dudes and put them in jail. Dirty Cops will challenge your love of the constitution and force you to question your beliefs about what the cops should have to do to catch the baddest of the bad dudes.

Cop Comedy – Do you like to laugh? So do the boys in blue.  This lighthearted look at the antics of America’s favorite fun loving cops will have you in stitches.  If you like a bit of humor with your crime busting then Cop Comedy is a show that will make you laugh until you cry because you live in a militarized white supremacist police state.

Top Movies Of 2014

Posted on December 19, 2014

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year. I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

Top Movies of 2014

Sunset Mountain

I know, this is the obvious choice, but this Rilmp Farjing’s sprawling 4 hour look at the families of this fictional mountain town was not only beautiful, but daring.  Who can forget the one shot 2 hour scene of Petey and Louisa walking to their one room school house?  If Sunset Mountain doesn’t earn Farjing an Oscar for best director then I have no idea what he has to do

Hammer Bammer

It’s no secret that we here in the Street Fight offices love action movies and this was the best of the year.  Kirk Florence is a bona-fide action star and the mysterious Carrloz is a director for the short attention span of the audiences of 2014.  While most action movies try to coast on slick production and dazzling action sequences, Hammer Bammer was the first action movie where all of the violence was terse speeches about the evils of modern society.

Till Death Makes us Fart

Much like Borat and Old School, Brett and Bryan quote this raunchy comedy in all of their conversations.  Who could forget the scene where Rachel Morningboat says “Yes I’ll marry you” and Tom Ron lets that juicy fart go? What about the infamous fart in church?  Of course any discussion of TDMF wouldn’t be complete without talking about the turd cigar, I may never quit saying “toot toot, Is this a turd?”

The Food Diary

No list of top movies would be complete without a documentary about food.  Doctor Jerry Krango follows a piece of GMO popcorn through the digestive system of one of our nation’s innocent children.  What you see will shock you.

War and Cops

In this turbulent year it is important to remember what the boys in blue and the guys in green do for our great nation.  When director Thom Hunks cast up and coming pop star Blayine to be the lead soldier of a platoon of ex cops who kill ISIS and build 100 schools in Iran, many of us wondered if he could pull it off.  Not only did he pull it off but he is topping our list of likely Oscar winners for best actor this year!

This was an especially good year for movies and it was hard to narrow it down to only five but that is the challenge of making lists and making lists is the duty of all of us on the internet.

Bryan

Top Music Of 2014

Posted on December 19, 2014

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

Top Music of 2014

Franklin Beerts – Whiskey, E-Juice, and Summertime

This was a breakout year for country music, while most people are talking about Travis Jones and Randy Thornton we here at Street Fight were dancing to the upbeat tempos and nostalgic themes of Franklin Beerts.  The way he howls “I’m gonna make you my briiiiiide if you wanna take a dirtbike riiiiide” in ‘Hot Ladies and Dirtbikes’ will make you want to jump out of your seat and grab a Bud Light.  While the chorus of ‘Good Time Ham’ will take you back to those ham dinners you used to eat with your family on the front lawn.

Caleb Tornado – Electric God

Caleb Tornado had another great year, sure we expected there to be a sophomore slump after the stunning success of Excuse Me Sir, Could I have Some Bass but it looks like Tornado still has some tricks up his sleeve.  From the pounding beat of ‘Rave it Up, Buddies’ to the throbbing dance style of ‘Synth Penis” it looks like we fans of electronic music will be talking about Caleb Tornado for years to come.

Perry and The Boys – Alabama Hill Daddy

Perry Charleston and his neo-folk bluegrass band has been jangling through the Street Fight offices all year.  With Steve Hamilton on the jug, Randy Grimbley on the banjo and Storve Carndale on the washboard, Perry has put together a sort of Monsters of Bluegrass super-group and you can hear it on the standout tracks ‘Give me an Ira Glass of Whiskey’ and ‘Love me Like the Bible’.  Perry and The Boys will lift your spirits and make your trip to Whole Foods seem like a trip to the prairie.

The Porno Guys – (S/T)

What more can we say about the Porno Guys?  We have probably played every song off of their debut self-titled noise/punk/post-hardcore/post-industrial/pre-punk/garage/indie/post-sound major label debut during the breaks on the show.  Some stand out tracks are ‘Hard On Dad’ and ‘Toilet Song’ but really you could just listen to the whole 14 minute 16 song album.

Flazzy J – Brick Haus

Even though his debut album Heroin Dance did not do well on the billboard charts, Flazzy J’s mixtape Brick Haus had some of the hottest tracks of the year. If you aren’t dancing to ‘Horny Babes (The Ornery Remix)’ then I don’t know what rock you’ve been hiding under.

 

While there were so many great albums this year these were the five that really caught our ears.  If you haven’t had the chance to hear any of these (although I doubt that because they were the biggest hits of the year) then go out and get them.

Bryan

Enemies, loyalty and anarchism

Posted on November 15, 2014

A few shows back I mentioned that my mother called and asked me what we should do about ISIS.  I didn’t have a good answer because I don’t pretend to know anything about shit.  What I know about ISIS is that they sound like a new Al Qaeda and Al Qaeda ended up being a grade A flop as a terrorist organization.  They had a couple of big things and in 2001 before I knew that the government was a kayfabe organization I said “We gotta go to Afghanistan and kill the Al Qaedas.” Fast Forward to the 2002 Super Bowl when the Partnership for a Drug Free America tried to say that people who buy drugs support terrorism.

 

 
I saw this, and I immediately thought “This whole Al Qaeda thing is horseshit.” If there is one thing I knew it was drugs and I would think I would have heard of Al Qaeda, a rapper would have brought them up or there would be a Scarface type movie about it, I don’t know, but I knew that Al Qaeda wasn’t involved in my drug transactions and that the cops were the ones bringing all of the violence to the drug party.

 

One year later the country was heatedly discussing the Iraq War when they said “well these aren’t exactly Al Qaedas but they are just like them” and that seemed scary and dangerous.  These dudes were cutting people’s heads off.  One thing lead to another and I supported the Iraq War.  I don’t feel good about this, I also don’t know that my quiet support for a bad war contributed to George W. Bush’s decision to kill a couple hundred thousand people to maybe kill some new bad guys.  I wasn’t active at the time, I was a painkiller addicted cable installer that listened to prog rock.  I completely stopped caring about politics for about a year.

 

Then 2004 happened

 

My wife told me that she was pregnant with a post it note in the bathroom.  In, what could only be described as a bungle, I said “wow that’s cool” then took off to buy some painkillers.  After I went on a bender I came to terms with our situation and became excited to have a kid.  I was about 26 and I said “You know what? I need to change this fucked up world so that my daughter won’t have to worry about 9/11s anymore.” This was my liberal time.  I wanted John Kerry to win that election, I spoke about the need to have a person with military experience in the oval office.  I was a fucking Democrat, a hardcore blue collar Democrat like the Democrats want you to believe exist.  Now George W Bush was the bad guy, we needed to get rid of him or the whole world would blow up.  He was a cowboy and he wanted to nuke the world to get revenge on Saddam Hussein for threatening to kill his Daddy.  In short, I was an idiot.  I was listening to Air America when Bush won and I felt like the world was over

 

 

So from 2001 to 2008 I felt like I was at constant war either with the enemies from abroad who wanted to kill me for eating bacon or the enemies at home who were just your average kill-crazy politicians.  These fucking people were fighting and I was choosing sides.  I liked Obama because he wasn’t Hillary Clinton, they told me that he was an insurgent, a radical and I wanted to be a part of something punk rock.  This was when I thought I radicalized.  John McCain was fucking scary, he was making up parody songs about bombing people.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I needed to vote, I know I said that I was out of the voting game, I don’t want to do this but it is responsible.  I’m gonna do it, we are going to have our first black president AND he was an anti-war communist.  My love for Obama lasted exactly 4 months.  As a matter of fact, this was when I first met Brett and we rarely had one on one conversations.  He told me that it had only been four months but I had seen enough.  Obama was a fucking loser and I knew it.  Within a month Brett and I were on the same page and we probably radicalized at the same time through conversations with each other.

 

The enemies changed almost immediately.  Brett and I started getting more and more angry about every fucking thing.  We hated banks, corporations, and most importantly we lost all faith in the government.  Democrats and Republicans are shitty, hell, pretty much every person at the top of every hierarchy was our enemy.  This was when we started to feel like we might be anarchists.  Our enemies were people with power. That was the only requirement for us to hate you.  After reading and tweeting with a bunch of very nice and cool anarchists (the Blizzard Boyz, Land Fill Poet and @Roastyagain on twitter) and some personal revelations I realized that I was only American because I was born here.  This is what led to this week’s show.  Street Fight announced to ISIS that if they are truly taking over America that we would join ISIS.

 

This is not to say that we are pro-ISIS.  I can’t think of anything I would like to do less than cut someone’s head off.  Well, I can think of one thing, getting my head cut off seems crummy.  This is why I am just willing to go with the flow.  Every time a conservative tells me “If China decides to collect on it’s debt we are in trouble” I say “Nope, you are in trouble, I’ll just be Chinese” I already hate the laws, I also hate any future laws.  I also hate the politicians, the constitution and Wall Street.  Loyalty to a state that claimed you the day you were born is crazy.  So, in closing, yes of course we are still American.  We are not traitors until it is beneficial.  The only people we are loyal to is the Street Fight people that we love.  Hopefully I get to ramble like this more in the future, unless this sucks then I will just keep my stupid typing mouth shut.

 

Love you

Bryan

 

a good time i had at halloween

Posted on October 3, 2014

one year i spent 2 hours putting together a teen wolf costume and got so annoyed when i finished by the people who wanted to pass around a bottle of tequila rose before we left that i drank as much as possible on my pull and later when i was puking my guts out the prosthetic nose was collecting vomit and the fancy theater hair covering my face was now matted with glue and upchuck

@Brettpain

What ISIS Crisis?

Posted on October 1, 2014

I was in High School when 9/11 happened and very terrified when I overheard a teacher come in the room and tell another teacher “we just got bombed”. As a survivor of Y2K the prior year I was very much okay with accepting that the world was probably going to end today. Being brought up in a very conservative family I also had no problem with killing all the Al Qaedas who did this to us to prevent that. I never went as far as saying we should turn the desert into glass but I would hear out anyone who was of that opinion.

Fast forward a couple years and I’m a college dropout who’s working 3rd shift folding clothes in the middle of the night staying as high as I could. I remember the night when we started bombing Iraq just looking around and saying “does anybody else feel like we shouldn’t fucking be here? does anyone even give a shit that people are being eviscerated?”. I knew people in the middle of these wars at this point and after enough window pane acid and mushrooms to erase my traditional conservative values I knew this Iraq invasion was pure horse apples. Everyone else gave me the ‘it sucks’ look but kept working because someone has to pay for all those daisy cutters. At the end of 2003 I read my first Noam Chomsky book (Hegemony Or Survival) and from that point forward became very skeptical at what the hell the point of war is in the first place and trying to be aware of who exactly it benefits.

In 2004 John Kerry was definitely my savior, this was the guy who could do something. I was convinced. I even got mad at Eminem for releasing his video for the anti-Bush song ‘Mosh’ after voting day. It was the perfect shit storm for me when he lost because I could go back to watching Family Guy and listening to angry music all the while knowing that Bush lied and cheated to win and I was on the right team. I voted, I tried.

I unfortunately also found out Bush and Kerry were distant cousins and that they were both members of the jacking off in a coffin with a noose around your neck club, the skull and bones. That’s right, with all this extra time on my hands not having the president I want I found myself in the middle of Alex Jones territory watching hits like Terrorstorm, Police State 9/11, Loose Change, and anything else I could get my hands on. Now aside from my lingering questions about building 7 I left all of that once I heard about reptilians and Mk Ultra. I started to see that unfortunately these people in power aren’t a member of any ancient cults they’re just the worst possible people on the planet. At the end of this run through crazy town I had a better understanding of who the bad guys were and was able to identify the surveillance state creeping in as I started investigating history and found out it was for other reasons besides “they burn owl effigies in the forest and they’ll reduce the population to 25% of it’s current state and replace us with robots.”

Come around to 2008 and I’m on the tail end of a 5 year career at a warehouse job making $9.00 an hour and stealing everything under the sun from it just to keep a roof over my head and I hear there is a real deal socialist running for president named Barack Obama. Now at this point I was putting myself in the prag prog school of thought here, willing to listen to anybody (I’d already given inter-dimensional aliens a roll around in the brain) and loving the idea of free healthcare and school like they do in Europe. Plus after years of hating republicans more than anything under the sun I wanted to get who I thought were the only people capable of saving us in there.

God damn it Barack I wanted it to work. Bryan briefly mentioned it in his post but I gave him so much shit for jumping ship 4 months in just because Obama had to do some ‘pragmatic’ things to start off his term. I was confused because I had hardened my views when Bush was in office and I had come to understand what I felt was truly unacceptable. I was consuming political non fiction like crazy for the last few years and talking with Bryan we were both becoming fed up with the current state of the democratic party. Once we were in the thick of the drone strikes, wall street bail outs, Guantanamo scandals, going after medical marijuana dispensaries and more I was fed up with the entire idea of The United States. I had accepted that the jig wasn’t up, it just changed clothes every 4 or 8 years and business as usual was back in effect (or maybe jacking off in a coffin gives you a perspective I can’t comprehend).

Libya happened, Afghanistan got terrible, Iraq was a quagmire, luckily it seemed like the people wised up and we pumped the breaks on a Syria intervention… well until it was rebranded as ISIS. So here we are again, another shadow group that’s going to steal away our teens and take all of our pork products. While I was desperately trying to learn more about the world around me the same old people are selling the same old wars year after year.

Who knows if anyone cares about this brief history of my political leanings but if anyone is reading this I want you to know that one thing I learned in the middle of a K hole years ago is never let go of the idea that you should challenge your own beliefs every day. If you’re not currently doing it then you’re probably sounding as stupid as I was when I thought joining the right team and defeating the enemy was the key to our success.

Welcome to the new site!

Posted on August 20, 2014

It’s a work in progress right now (just like the revolution) but expect to get more content on a regular basis from this slick looking website. The best part is now you can listen to Street Fight from any browser just click the giant Play banner at the top!