Street Fight

Vote No On Legalized Weed In Ohio

Posted on August 30, 2015

When it comes to the issue of voting no for issue 3 I can agree that it would be nice to not risk jail or job loss due to marijuana use but we still smoke and consume some of the best weed on the planet in Ohio, and it’s grown in our fields and basements and trailers and country houses. And we have fake wieners and synthetic pee and best buds for life who will pee in a zip lock and we are in the upper levels of management, we are lawyers and hospice workers baking pot brownies for patients and doctors and teachers and you don’t even know it. I have smoked weed up, down, around, and throughout Ohio for over a decade and never got hassled by anyone who saw me, even when a cop found my weed he just tossed it (because I’m white). 

It is very easy for me to not advocate for Issue 3, I’m high as I write this and I have established a multi state network of providers. Plus I don’t have a relative that needs CBD oil and I’m not in jail. But I am still asking you to consider keeping the same barriers that you are jumping over now in place until we can get something substantial in just a year because making a constitutional amendment to hand over the operation to a designated group of business investors (including Nick Lachey FUCK THAT GUY IN THE BARBED WIRE TATTOO) takes away our personal freedom to grow things from the earth and transact with our communities. It takes all the wonderful people who have provided this plant to us at the risk of jail time and grenades from the police and financial ruin and it cuts them out. Because they can’t invest, because their lobbying arm is very weak. It’s disgusting and obscene. 

The government is the entire problem there is with the growing and sales of marijuana and now they want to continue to meddle in the lives of farmers and distributors to setup a monopoly. The weed your buddy grew will still be illegal for you to buy off him, buying a pot brownie from someone on the blanket next to you at a concert will still be illegal, smoking weed outside will still be illegal, standing out in front of the bar and using a one hitter will still be illegal. And as long things are illegal there will be a benefit to punishing (black and Latino) people for it, whether it’s politicians or weapons manufacturers or prison uniform companies it always ends up being a naked racist sham. Have some guts and say no to this fucking stinky ass deal, just take a look at their dime store powdered toast man mascot.

  

ResponsibleOhio Makes Marijuana Barely Legal

Posted on June 28, 2015

When a bunch of rich people get together to draft legislation we can safely say that it is going to be bad for people who are not rich. Responsible Ohio, the controversial marijuana legalization amendment to the Ohio constitution is going to be put in front of voters in November of 2015. If you had told me a year ago that I would be five months away from being able to vote for marijuana legalization I would have checked to make sure that my voter registration was good, bookmarked a page to buy good seeds from and started making my brand new weed growing area in the basement. This is why Responsible Ohio is such a fucking bummer, not only am I not camping out in front of my polling station to vote yes but I am writing this to tell people to vote NO on Responsible Ohio with me.

I want to start this with an admission that I am very inflexible when it comes to taking my rights back. I want to be able to grow marijuana and I don’t think the state needs to have anything to do with it. I want to be able to buy marijuana at a store, let me stress the word STORE. I want it to be owned by some person that is really in to weed, has experience with weed, and grows really great weed. I want to be allowed to have as much weed as I want, I should be allowed to fill a barrel with cannabutter if I want to. Beer people can have all of the beer they want so I want that courtesy. The most important thing that I want is to be able to go to restaurant and have a chef serve me food with marijuana in it and sit with other people who like marijuana and socialize, we have never been able to do this and this is why we are seen as a deviant subculture. We can’t BE in public, sure we can sneak hits of weed on the street and nobody really cares if you are high but we still feel like we are hiding, and if we can’t get together in a public setting and use marijuana then we are still hiding.

Marijuana is very different from things like bazookas, lasers and grenades in that we all want it to be legal and its legalization would pose no risk to anyone at all.  In fact, the most dangerous thing about marijuana is that some fucking maniac cop is going to kick your door in, shoot your dog and flash grenade your family if they think you might be growing some plants. Responsible Ohio fails to prevent that from happening. There are strict limits on how much a private marijuana user can grow. This gives the state the pretext to make sure that you are not growing more than you are supposed to. How would they know this? It seems to me that if there are limits to how much you can grow then there is probably going to have to be someone who enforces those limits.

Now, if I were reading this I would say “It seems to him…this sounds like speculation to me.” Speculation is all we can do with Responsible Ohio. The reason for this is that Responsible Ohio seems to have some questions themselves. This amendment to the Ohio constitution calls for the creation of a 7 person commission. The commission is responsible for establishing the actual rules AFTER the amendment is passed. Do you want to open a dispensary? O.K., well you’re going to need a $10,000 license to do that and you are going to have to be 10,000 feet away from any place a kid might see, and probably some other requirements that the commission will have to decide AFTER you vote. Are you concerned that the government might try to regulate the potency of your marijuana? Me too, the commission will let us know about that AFTER you vote. The commission is appointed by the Governor, a rich guy who I’m sure will pick some of his scandalous friends . The only other task we know that the commission is in charge of is real time monitoring of every plant from germination to extraction to customer transaction.

Now that we know as much as we can possibly know how the stores work we can look at what Responsible Ohio will mean for people who actually want to use marijuana openly. While there are provisions in the bill that would allow for establishment of not for profit dispensaries for medical marijuana patients, these patients are not protected from employment discrimination for using a prescription drug. I don’t want to make some shitty stupid asshole hire people who smoke weed recreationally but if a person has cancer and they are using marijuana to help them eat then they should be protected by the law. Medical patients can use in public provided they have their card with them. The rest of us aren’t as “lucky” as patients are. Marijuana stores may only sell marijuana and marijuana related merchandise and it is illegal to use in a marijuana store. Now you could be saying “It’s illegal to use in a liquor store too.” which is true as hell, but you can go to a bar and drink liquor with your friends and tell each other that you love Bob Seger and vape a mango flavored E Juice. Under Responsible Ohio, marijuana users will have no such privilege. Responsible Ohio makes it illegal to use marijuana in public. No restaurants, no bakeries, no patio to do bonghits with a bunch of cool motherfuckers and talk shit. Just get the weed and get it home. That’s it, treat it like a dildo.

So how legal will marijuana be under Responsible Ohio? Barely. You can go to a store that sells it, and you can buy it and take it home and do it. Kind of like how we are all recreationally using it now.  This is not how we want marijuana to be legal, there are only 10 places that will be allowed to grow more than 8 ounces at a time. 10 places that have ties to a group of investors who are paying for this campaign. 10 places where all of the commercially available marijuana can be grown, then they get to put it on a truck and take it to a processing plant that will regulate the potency, and manufacture all marijuana infused products. After that the marijuana and the marijuana products are taken to the dispensaries where you can go get it and go home. I can’t imagine a more environmentally irresponsible process. People are capable of growing and selling their weed from the same place. This should be encouraged, not outlawed.

This is not just some law, it’s a constitutional amendment. This would be the permanent state of marijuana in Ohio. We should pass a law that encourages people who have developed a craft during the dark days of prohibition to thrive after legalization. We should pass a law that allows us to socialize and share a plant that the state never had any business outlawing any way. I am not begging on my knees for the first opportunity to have marijuana legalized, I don’t want some Governor Kasich appointed commission making decisions about it. I don’t want the police to be allowed to arrest ANYONE for having marijuana and I don’t want a monopoly on the growing of anything. Responsible Ohio is a piece of shit bill and there are better opportunities that will be ready by 2016.

@murderbryan

Top News Stories of 2014

Posted on January 6, 2015

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year. I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

 

Jon Stewart Eviscerating Ted Cruz– Who could forget the “Summer of Stewart”? While there were so many eviscerations, annihilations, devastations, and decimations we had to pick the one that really packed a punch.  After Jon Stewart eviscerated Ted Cruz about immigration all of the immigration laws changed and Ted Cruz hasn’t been on television since.

Florida FTW! – OMG all of the Florida news is unique and crazy. They have extremely unique crime and the government (clowns) can’t seem to get its shit together.  Remember the guy that took an Oxycontin and ate a dumpster?  What about the dude that snorted a line of methamphetamine and farted fire?  Florida is so weird!

ISIS – You may remember back a few months when Brett and Bryan joined ISIS in order to not be killed in the impending ISIS invasion of the United States.  Well look at this, Street Fight is still here and thriving under Sharia law.  For those of you listening to our mandatory show, we thank you and we also want to thank our new leaders from ISIS.

Traffic – In the end of the year the protests over police brutality that caused traffic gave white people a reason to explain how to protest to get what you want.  How are you supposed to protest? Well let me tell you, you find a thing to buy that you can wear like a bracelet or t-shirt and wear it to the farmers market.  If someone asks you about the article of clothing hand them a pamphlet or show them a Jon Stewart/Olive evisceration.

Millennials – The kids don’t get spanked anymore and they all have cellphones.  What does this mean for the future?  It means that we are headed down the road to hell is what it means. Things were good when everyone was mean to each other and anyone could spank anyone else’s kid.  2014 was the year where we found out that if you spank a kid for being bad in the store and it isn’t yours then you are some kind of criminal.

Best TV Shows Of 2014

Posted on December 31, 2014

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year. I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

 

Best Television of 2014

Cop Show– While the first season of Cop Show was busy showing the inner workings of the police station, season 2 was a refreshing burst of cop action.  The cops arrested so many criminals and all of the criminals were certifiably bad dudes.

Specialized Cop Show– Oh man, when the news came out that they would be spinning Cop Show off after its first season we here at Street Fight couldn’t wait for it.  Specialized Cop Show started off with a special case that only the specialized cops could solve and (Spoiler Alert) THEY SOLVED THE CASE AND PUT THE BAD GUYS IN JAIL!!!

Old Timey Cop Show– How did the cops put the certifiably bad dudes in jail before they had computers?  This is what Old Timey Cop Show is all about.  We thrilled in the scenes where the cops were “dusting for fingerprints” and looking through their magnifying glasses.  If you haven’t seen Old Timey Cop Show you should.

Dirty Cops– Are you looking to fill the dark hole in your viewing with a little bit of crime?  Look no further, Dirty Cops is about some real criminals…But the criminals are also cops!!! They don’t rob banks or steal but they commit crimes to catch the certifiably bad dudes and put them in jail. Dirty Cops will challenge your love of the constitution and force you to question your beliefs about what the cops should have to do to catch the baddest of the bad dudes.

Cop Comedy – Do you like to laugh? So do the boys in blue.  This lighthearted look at the antics of America’s favorite fun loving cops will have you in stitches.  If you like a bit of humor with your crime busting then Cop Comedy is a show that will make you laugh until you cry because you live in a militarized white supremacist police state.

Top Music Of 2014

Posted on December 19, 2014

It’s the end of 2014 and you know what that means.  It’s time for lists of things.  While we are quite certain that you could go back through the archives and hear all of the things we liked this year I think our listeners are better served by seeing it in list form.  The list is the latest in understanding things technology and, next to the meme, it is our finest educational resource.  So please, kick back, relax and enjoy some lists from Street Fight.

Top Music of 2014

Franklin Beerts – Whiskey, E-Juice, and Summertime

This was a breakout year for country music, while most people are talking about Travis Jones and Randy Thornton we here at Street Fight were dancing to the upbeat tempos and nostalgic themes of Franklin Beerts.  The way he howls “I’m gonna make you my briiiiiide if you wanna take a dirtbike riiiiide” in ‘Hot Ladies and Dirtbikes’ will make you want to jump out of your seat and grab a Bud Light.  While the chorus of ‘Good Time Ham’ will take you back to those ham dinners you used to eat with your family on the front lawn.

Caleb Tornado – Electric God

Caleb Tornado had another great year, sure we expected there to be a sophomore slump after the stunning success of Excuse Me Sir, Could I have Some Bass but it looks like Tornado still has some tricks up his sleeve.  From the pounding beat of ‘Rave it Up, Buddies’ to the throbbing dance style of ‘Synth Penis” it looks like we fans of electronic music will be talking about Caleb Tornado for years to come.

Perry and The Boys – Alabama Hill Daddy

Perry Charleston and his neo-folk bluegrass band has been jangling through the Street Fight offices all year.  With Steve Hamilton on the jug, Randy Grimbley on the banjo and Storve Carndale on the washboard, Perry has put together a sort of Monsters of Bluegrass super-group and you can hear it on the standout tracks ‘Give me an Ira Glass of Whiskey’ and ‘Love me Like the Bible’.  Perry and The Boys will lift your spirits and make your trip to Whole Foods seem like a trip to the prairie.

The Porno Guys – (S/T)

What more can we say about the Porno Guys?  We have probably played every song off of their debut self-titled noise/punk/post-hardcore/post-industrial/pre-punk/garage/indie/post-sound major label debut during the breaks on the show.  Some stand out tracks are ‘Hard On Dad’ and ‘Toilet Song’ but really you could just listen to the whole 14 minute 16 song album.

Flazzy J – Brick Haus

Even though his debut album Heroin Dance did not do well on the billboard charts, Flazzy J’s mixtape Brick Haus had some of the hottest tracks of the year. If you aren’t dancing to ‘Horny Babes (The Ornery Remix)’ then I don’t know what rock you’ve been hiding under.

 

While there were so many great albums this year these were the five that really caught our ears.  If you haven’t had the chance to hear any of these (although I doubt that because they were the biggest hits of the year) then go out and get them.

Bryan

What ISIS Crisis?

Posted on October 1, 2014

I was in High School when 9/11 happened and very terrified when I overheard a teacher come in the room and tell another teacher “we just got bombed”. As a survivor of Y2K the prior year I was very much okay with accepting that the world was probably going to end today. Being brought up in a very conservative family I also had no problem with killing all the Al Qaedas who did this to us to prevent that. I never went as far as saying we should turn the desert into glass but I would hear out anyone who was of that opinion.

Fast forward a couple years and I’m a college dropout who’s working 3rd shift folding clothes in the middle of the night staying as high as I could. I remember the night when we started bombing Iraq just looking around and saying “does anybody else feel like we shouldn’t fucking be here? does anyone even give a shit that people are being eviscerated?”. I knew people in the middle of these wars at this point and after enough window pane acid and mushrooms to erase my traditional conservative values I knew this Iraq invasion was pure horse apples. Everyone else gave me the ‘it sucks’ look but kept working because someone has to pay for all those daisy cutters. At the end of 2003 I read my first Noam Chomsky book (Hegemony Or Survival) and from that point forward became very skeptical at what the hell the point of war is in the first place and trying to be aware of who exactly it benefits.

In 2004 John Kerry was definitely my savior, this was the guy who could do something. I was convinced. I even got mad at Eminem for releasing his video for the anti-Bush song ‘Mosh’ after voting day. It was the perfect shit storm for me when he lost because I could go back to watching Family Guy and listening to angry music all the while knowing that Bush lied and cheated to win and I was on the right team. I voted, I tried.

I unfortunately also found out Bush and Kerry were distant cousins and that they were both members of the jacking off in a coffin with a noose around your neck club, the skull and bones. That’s right, with all this extra time on my hands not having the president I want I found myself in the middle of Alex Jones territory watching hits like Terrorstorm, Police State 9/11, Loose Change, and anything else I could get my hands on. Now aside from my lingering questions about building 7 I left all of that once I heard about reptilians and Mk Ultra. I started to see that unfortunately these people in power aren’t a member of any ancient cults they’re just the worst possible people on the planet. At the end of this run through crazy town I had a better understanding of who the bad guys were and was able to identify the surveillance state creeping in as I started investigating history and found out it was for other reasons besides “they burn owl effigies in the forest and they’ll reduce the population to 25% of it’s current state and replace us with robots.”

Come around to 2008 and I’m on the tail end of a 5 year career at a warehouse job making $9.00 an hour and stealing everything under the sun from it just to keep a roof over my head and I hear there is a real deal socialist running for president named Barack Obama. Now at this point I was putting myself in the prag prog school of thought here, willing to listen to anybody (I’d already given inter-dimensional aliens a roll around in the brain) and loving the idea of free healthcare and school like they do in Europe. Plus after years of hating republicans more than anything under the sun I wanted to get who I thought were the only people capable of saving us in there.

God damn it Barack I wanted it to work. Bryan briefly mentioned it in his post but I gave him so much shit for jumping ship 4 months in just because Obama had to do some ‘pragmatic’ things to start off his term. I was confused because I had hardened my views when Bush was in office and I had come to understand what I felt was truly unacceptable. I was consuming political non fiction like crazy for the last few years and talking with Bryan we were both becoming fed up with the current state of the democratic party. Once we were in the thick of the drone strikes, wall street bail outs, Guantanamo scandals, going after medical marijuana dispensaries and more I was fed up with the entire idea of The United States. I had accepted that the jig wasn’t up, it just changed clothes every 4 or 8 years and business as usual was back in effect (or maybe jacking off in a coffin gives you a perspective I can’t comprehend).

Libya happened, Afghanistan got terrible, Iraq was a quagmire, luckily it seemed like the people wised up and we pumped the breaks on a Syria intervention… well until it was rebranded as ISIS. So here we are again, another shadow group that’s going to steal away our teens and take all of our pork products. While I was desperately trying to learn more about the world around me the same old people are selling the same old wars year after year.

Who knows if anyone cares about this brief history of my political leanings but if anyone is reading this I want you to know that one thing I learned in the middle of a K hole years ago is never let go of the idea that you should challenge your own beliefs every day. If you’re not currently doing it then you’re probably sounding as stupid as I was when I thought joining the right team and defeating the enemy was the key to our success.